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About Dan

posted 4 Sep 2010, 05:09 by Jack Ellison   [ updated 4 Sep 2010, 05:47 ]
I've never known a Danny Lizar, but it has to be the same person as the Dan Lizar I knew at uni.

I met him early on into my student days.  We were really good mates.  We lived together in our second year.  He was a fun guy; always up for a party or a lost weekend of mind-bending.  Naive, nineteen year-old me thought he was going to be a friend for life.  Then he just upped and left and moved back into his childhood home.  He ignored our texts, answerphone messages and e-mails.  He just had enough of us, it seemed.

About nine months later and it's Christmas and I'm at home in Leeds with the family, and the news is on and they're reporting about a tragic suicide of a young man in Lancaster.  Daniel, they called him then.  Daniel Lizar was found by his mother, hanging from a noose in the bedroom he'd grown up in.  They said all sorts of other things about him; accusations, troubles and potential reasons. 

No-one mentioned a book. 

It was news for a day or two and then the world forgot again.  Me and my friends didn't know what to do for the best.  By then we kind of hated him.  He ran away at a time when he was needed by his girlfriend, and he ditched us all without even being so kind as to give us an explanation.

Suicide changes things, though, doesn't it?  You suddenly realise that you've misunderstood someone completely.  It remains with me that perhaps I should have tried harder to find Danny.  We could have gone to his house if we'd been a little bit more motivated.  Maybe that was what he wanted.
We didn't go to the funeral.  Imogen said she wasn't and we all followed her lead.  He hurt her the most, so it was right that she decided that one for us.  I wrote songs about him dying, though.  Me and my band at the time even recorded 'The Suicide EP,' which ironically was the last thing we did before we split up, citing disserations and musical differences as our reason.  I still play some of those songs during my gigs as The Magus.  So yeah, I didn't pay my respects but that doesn't mean it didn't affect me.

Things have changed since then.  Imogen is my girlfriend now.  We were brought together by shared hard times.  We both cheated on my then girlfriend, really.  Katie was Imogen's best friend and my supposed soul-mate.  We didn't mean for it to happen, but in hindsight I have to say that I'm glad. 

There are days when I think that falling in love with your dead friend's ex-girlfriend is borderline Jeremy Kyle material, but we're different people from when Dan was around.  That's what Katie found so hard to accept.

Neither of us hate Dan anymore.  He's been an enigma, really.  There was no indication of depression or suicidal tendencies when he was with us.  He was pretty perky when it came to come downs, and the life and soul when it came to just about anything.  He was solid until he fucked off. 

Just so you know, I'm not with Imogen to get back at him.  Pulling revenge on a dead guy is kind of futile.  I love her.  You can hear about it in my songs.