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Waiting game


It's been a while hasn't it?  I'd like to explain that I've been really busy trying to get this manuscript of Dan's sorted out, sending it to agents and such like, but that would all be a horrible lie.

This year has been a year of arguments and stagnation for me.  Imogen came back from her parents and agreed to stay provided that I no longer continue with - her words -  my macabre exhumation of the past.  I was so pleased to see her again - she'd been gone for nearly two weeks - that I just agreed to her terms instantly.

Since then, it's been like a second honeymoon.  If a second honeymoon entails walking on eggshells and not having an opinion on anything just in case it sparks the wrath of my beloved.

But I did my thing, was a good boy and went back to the music.  I started to forget about the manuscript and get on with the music.  Then I started thinking about some sort of concept album based around Dan's life, even a musical.  I couldn'y quite let it go.

So January turned into February, and with March no thaw was forthcoming.  Something had changed in Imogen.  There was literally no friendliness whatsoever.  Somehow by bringing Dan back into our lives I seem to have permanently soured her.  I thought I could bite my tongue and retain my humility; I had told lies after all.  But there are still plenty of moments where I think the punishment far outweighs the crime.
So I told her, no more.  I told her, shortly after the royal wedding, that this was not the life I wanted for myself.  Four months on and I'm still feeling guilty and apologising, like I've been boning groupies routinely for years, not harbouring the life story of our old mate who killed himself.  I said that if my life was just going to entail being ignored and chastised by the woman who was supposed to love me, then I want a new life.

It's my turn to flee.  I'm in London with my ex-girlfriend Katie of all people.  I arrived as the masses were departing with their right royal hangovers.  Katie - who I did cheat on - doesn't hate me.  I told her about the manuscript, and she told me to do the right thing.  She even spent last night trawling the internet for suitable agents.  This morning I woke up in her flat to find a list of possible sources.  I'm motivated, I'm preparing letters and all sorts now.

As for Imogen and Manchester, well, I left the ball in her court.  She has to decide if we can move on from this.  If so, she has to deal with this book.  The quest for publication begins this week, with or without her.

London looks awesome today, on this the eleventh nice day in a row.  For the first time in months I feel like someone is smiling upon on me.  It might only be Katie, but it's nice to feel well-regarded once in a while...